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From Chapter 32- Coming up Cubist
Cubism, according to Merriam Webster, is a style of art that stresses abstract structure at the expense of other pictorial elements especially by displaying several aspects of the same object simultaneously and by fragmenting the form of depicted objects.
While modeling at Drexel’s art school in an easy pose, a clothed head study, the students are busy taking measurements with skewers. I had high hopes for these students, but many unintentionally draw me as rigid head planes with sharp angular lines that change direction with no connection to reality. They give me oversized eyes, a protruding nose, Martian ears, and exaggerated wrinkles.
Their novice skills reveal some truth. I am as twisted and confused inside as their drawings depict. In one instant, I am vulnerable, at the edge of a sobbing outburst. In another moment I can laugh. In another I am seething with anger. I am both terrified and excited about what is coming next.
Maybe Cubist is what I am—abstract and fragmented. On any given day I feel crushed and jubilant, defeated and energized, hopeful and despondent. I see a visual representation of this in the drawings. The terror of a childless life mixes with passion, a need to have my experiences help others. And I wonder If I have that right to help others or if I am ready. If I feel responsible for Suzanne’s death, does that make me a fraud? I am in this place of wanting things to happen faster than they are happening.
I don’t realize how much I need to heal.
Deep and honest reflections here…
That was my intention!
Xoxox!!!
Thanks for reading!
Beautiful description. I can’t wait to read the book!
Thank You!